Focused and then not...

Time Practiced: About 10 minutes so far today. Probably gonna spend a few more reading translations before bed.

Focus comes and goes in waves for me. The last three weeks, focus on my music has not been my thing. I think about it a lot, but I'm not so sure that counts. However, the previous three weeks I practiced almost daily (a rarity for me) which made me feel great about myself, but these last three weeks I'm getting down on myself again.

Sometimes, I think the most difficult thing to do is to forgive ourselves for not doing the things we know we should be doing. Granted, I may need to take this motto to unforeseen lengths as I am the queen of not doing what I should be doing, but I think that forgiving ourselves for not being perfect is the only way to move on from it. At least, that's my take on the subject.

In a way, I feel like the creative juices are borderline "zapped" out of me right now. Some personal issue came up and while my avoidance techniques worked the first few weeks once I finally recognized that I was avoiding dealing with my feelings that's when I noticed I came to a complete screeching halt with my focus. Funny thing is, avoiding those feelings is what kept me focused on doing my work! It's a catch 22 situation, for me. Having "avoidance of real issues" being your driving factor for focusing on your work is not a good thing.

That's something to work on, for sure.

Today's Recommendation: Forgive yourself for not being perfect and move on from it.

"Gretchen am Spinnrade," Schubert

Making Shiny Things

Time Practiced: About 30-45 minutes, plus a 30 minute piano lesson. Look at me being all productive and focused and whatnot!

As we know, I'm a bit of a scatterbrained artist. One of my hobbies happens to be jewelry making. Comes in handy when I need a present for girlfriends' birthdays. One such occasion happened this weekend and I was more than happy to whip up a quick piece of jewelry for a friend. Goodness knows my stash of jewelry making findings and beads is more than large enough, should be easy enough to make something with what I have on hand.

Nope.

Had to go to the store to a get few items, but forced myself to stay focused on only getting the earring findings. The challenge had to be making something beautiful with the beads I had on hand. Thankfully, I was only making earrings so it wasn't impossible (though the urge to by new shiny, pretty things was strong!). I think they turned out really nice. I kind of want the pink pair for myself, as a matter of fact. Which I think is the problem with crafting beautiful things for other people- it's hard to part with such pretty things!

However, just making those two pairs of earrings made me remember how much I love jewelry making as a creative outlet. I started making jewelry with a girlfriend about three years ago during football season. My husband and her boyfriend were both in fantasy football leagues and insisted on getting together every Sunday to watch football. We, naturally, were not necessarily interested in watching football all day. So, I decided we needed something fun and creative to do and thought it was an opportune time to learn how to make my own jewelry. I've been beading religiously every football season since.

Well, the fantasy football magazines are coming out again so I think it's about time to start thinking about what lovely jewelry I'm going to make for myself this football season. Perhaps a necklace or two, but some new bracelets would be fun as well....

Today's Recommendation: Rediscover something that gives you creative satisfaction.

Claude Debussy, Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun

Starting Something New(ish)

Time Practiced: I cleaned the house today, and my allergies won't allow it. Though I did have a great lesson on Thursday...

Tomorrow morning I have my first piano lesson! Ok, so I took piano in undergrad- as part of my degree requirements, naturally- but have not studied it since. Actually, because I had some pretty severe issues with tendonitis from the piano classes in college I almost changed my major so I didn't have to take the second year of piano. Well, as is my typical scatterbrained style, I decided I did want the full out Bachelor of Music and ended up taking the second year of group piano class at the local community college so it was only pass/fail and I didn't have to worry about tendonitis issues as much. Worked out well, and I was the biggest slacker with that class ever, but did manage to get my passing grade.

Here I am, almost eight years later, and I'm gonna take piano again. Turns out that if you don't use it, you really do lose it. Huh. Who would have guessed?

Tomorrow I will be showing up for my first lesson with a handful of borrowed (read: stolen from relatives and friends) beginner piano books to learn how to play. You see, my goal is to get more focused with my music by taking weekly piano lessons. Focus, focus, focus. Because paying someone to help you focus is always the best policy, I say. Why else do you think I spent so many years in school to begin with?

Wish me luck. No tendonitis this time around, and I can learn at a snails pace if I need to. You see, coordination is not one of my strong suits (I can't even walk a straight line sober, and in high school musicals I was banned from dancing- no joke) hence the fact that I had to white knuckle my way through group piano in college. I think private lessons are going to be more my style. And from what I can tell so far, the teacher I'm studying with is a bit on the "off" side so it should keep things fun and interesting.

Today's Recommendation: Teach an old dog old tricks, because sometimes it might be what the old dog needs to feel young again.

Bach Prelude No 1 in C Major (BWV 846)

Avoidance is the best policy. Really.

Time Practiced: Uh-huh.... right...... I'm sorry, what was the question?

Oh boy. It's been how many days since I've blogged? Yup, just as many days as it's been since my last voice lesson. Whoops. And guess how much practicing has been done in between then?

Perhaps I'm taking the "practicing by not practicing" mantra from last week too far. Probably, but I'm so exhausted from having such a full schedule for traveling and socializing that I'm surprised I make it through the week in tact. Sure, I could spend less time on facebook, but it's so mind-numbing it feels good.

In my exhaustion from over-socializing I declared on Friday this past week that I was taking the weekend off from socializing. I was so energized by fulfilling my goal of doing nothing this past weekend that during my half day at work on Saturday I was a maniac organizing and cleaning and straightening up the office. Productivity overload ensued as a result of "knowing" that the rest of the weekend would be mine to do absolutely nothing of importance. It all went downhill from there.

I went to drop something off to a friend and ended up having a two hour long conversation/get together. Fail. Sunday we went to the family farm to get some free veggies (which I tried to get out of because it was raining, the hubs didn't buy in to it) and ended up having to spend the day out there because my mother-in-law wanted to make a late lunch for us and we needed to spend time with my husbands grandmother. Fail. Okay, things we needed to do, but still it spoiled my goal of having a weekend of doing nothing with no one but myself and my husband.

I did, however, get Saturday night at least. It wasn't enough to feel refreshed, I really could have used Sunday too, but at least I got that little bit. The hubs and I did a yoga video together (which was funny to watch him do), I cooked us a healthy and super tasty dinner that was quick to make, and we watched two movies while I cross-stitched. See my handiwork? I've been working on this for almost five years... it's a stocking for my husband that I started right after we got married.

So, I blame not practicing on having to social on my two days off this past week, Thursday and Sunday. I did do something artsy- cross-stitching- but it wasn't singing. Funny story though, I keep wanting to sing right before bed while I'm reading The Artist's Way. Seriously, it's 11:30 last night, I'm reading that book, and I feel like I need to sing. Then I was listening to the radio on the way home from work tonight and Barber's Adagio for Strings was on. All the sudden I felt like writing poetry. Weird. But that's probably a good sign that I won't be avoiding practicing for much longer. Maybe Saturday night was enough "me time" after all.

Today's Recommendation: Take some time for yourself to rejuvenate. Even the thought of it coming is enough to recharge your batteries.

Barber, Adagio for Strings Op. 11

Giving Myself a Pat on the Back

Time Practiced: Hour and a half voice lesson today. Gotta love pre-scheduled practice time that you pay for. :)

My voice teacher informed me that I need to give myself a pat on the back today. I did a great job in my lesson, despite not "practicing" much at all since my last lesson three weeks ago. Apparently, spending time watching people sing arias on youtube and just doing random reading about my arias and not actually singing them did me well. Who knew that I didn't need to practice to progress! Victory!

Ok, so that being said, I guess I did learn something. Just because I'm not obsessively singing through my music doesn't mean I can't "practice" in other ways. In fact, my voice teacher is so in love with using youtube as a practice tool, when I got to his house today he was showing my accompanist a youtube video of Kristin Chenoweth singing "Glitter and Be Gay" (it's linked below as the song of the day for your listening/viewing pleasure). It was a fabulous performance, btw. All this time, I thought I was cheating when I used youtube to hear an aria or learn a new song and it turns out my voice teacher advocates it now! Ha!

In all seriousness though, it was a great lesson. We spent the lesson focusing on letting your body and mind be quiet while you perform so that only the most natural and real things happen and come out of you. It was great. Super hard for my scatterbrained self, but a neat experience to have- let's just hope I can duplicate it on my own. Plus, you always know it's a great lesson when you, your accompanist, and your teacher are all crying at the same time. At least, I think... ;)

I don't know. I might owe my teacher a coffee as it is our standing rule that there is "no crying in singing" (you have to say it like Tom Hanks did in A League of Their Own- "there's no crying in baseball!"). But you know what, I think since they were crying too, it negates my crying so I don't owe them coffee. At least that's the theory I'm going with.

Today's Recommendation: Give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it.

Bernstein, "Glitter and Be Gay" from Candide performed by Kristin Chenoweth

Doing Somersaults

Time Practiced: Depends on what you consider practice? Does working on myself as an artist count? If so, about 1 hour. If not... well... I think we should count working on myself as an artist.

Despite my complete lack of focus, I have actually decided to focus on The Artist's Way exercises and program. After starting to read it, I've realized that perhaps my lack of ability to focus has to do with my being "blocked" as an artist. So, if doing this twelve-week program doesn't work to get my act in to gear and give me some artistic focus, then I don't know what will. Consequently, I'm giving it a whirl.

One of my assignments for this week was to list five imaginary lives that I would like to lead. Fun, right? Wasn't allowed to over think the exercise and wrote down the first ones that came to mind. Thought, for giggles, I would share them with you:

1. Naturopathic Doctor
2. Chef
3. Movie Star
4. Charity Gala Organizer/Event Planner
5. Olympic Gymnast

This week I am suppose to attempt to do something related to one of those imaginary lives, so as to pretend that I am actually living that life. Somersaults anyone? I think I am going to attempt to do somersaults. Forget anything more complex, I couldn't even do a cartwheel growing up. But a somersault, I should be able to do that. Heck, maybe I'll put together a little floor routine of jumping and twisting. Now to pick out music....

Today's Recommendation: Be fabulous at someone else's life for a day. You might have fun.
Chopin, Fantasie Impromptu in C# Minor Op. 66

Perhaps this will help?

Time Practiced: About 30 minutes, not all of singing, but practicing/studying music related things counts in my book.

Ok, so I need to get focused. I also need to feel creative again. I've been feeling artistically zapped, and not just in my music, but all across the board. A good month and a half ago I bought The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. Bought it on a complete whim while picking up another book to read for work (I have a requirement to read six books to improve myself as part of my review- which is silly for an hourly job even if it is full-time, but I digress...). A week or so ago I almost returned just to save a few dollars, but since that never happened I figured I might as well start reading it, and if I didn't like it then I would take it back.

Holy cow, kids. This book must have some sort of magical spell on it for releasing and artist's blockage, because since I picked it up I've been having all sorts of "blockage" come out. I cried while reading the first chapter. I cried while reading the second chapter. And I'm already talking in detail waxing poetic about finding the purpose of my life. Okay, so some of that is normal for me, but still... this book is already affecting me and I haven't even begun to do the twelve week program!
That being said, I will be doing the twelve week program and can't wait to see if this book can help to focus me and keep me much less scatterbrained. Even though it can't stop the health issues that keep me from being able to be as fully engaged creatively as I would like to be (these last two weeks were hell, let me tell you- never ending headaches, bloating, fatigue, etc, etc), if it can at least help me stay somewhat engaged during those times and throughout I'm all for it. When I'm bored or stuck creatively I am one depressing person. This book promises to unlock your creative self so let's see if it works!

Today's Recommendation: Cry when you need to, it's good for the soul and gets the "uglies" out.
Smetana, Ma Vlast Moldau

Gardening 101

Time Practiced: 0 Minutes. There are still a few hours left tonight though...

The hubs and I spent the day fixing up our front walkway. Only two out of 8 plants survived the winter from the previous owner of the house so it needed some serious work. Things look much better. Of course, anything would look better than the dead sticks that were there, but I have to give myself credit where credit is due, right?

Because of my lovely allergies, I wasn't able to contribute much to the gardening effort than picking out the plants and deciding how they would be laid out. Thankfully, the hubs has no allergies and got down and dirty to get the job done. I do have to say, he is a wonderful day laborer. I should hire him out...

Gardening is more my mother and mother-in-law's things. My mother actually made a career out of it after all of us kids moved out of the house. I'm proud of her for that. My mother-in-law grew up on a farm and the family has a half acre plot next to the farm dedicated to nothing but the families stash of veggies for the year. She cans and the whole nine yards. Tell you what, that garden is a sight to see! It's huge!

Me? Allergic to gardening. Seriously. Hence the fact I will never garden to the level either of my mother's does. Doesn't mean I can't try and have the hubs do all the dirty work. And good thing he likes to do it, otherwise we would have a serious problem...

Today's Recommendation: Get down and dirty every once and a while. It's good for you. Whoever said "rub some dirt in it" might have had something there...

Beethoven Symphony No 6 in F Major "Pastorale"

Sometimes Life Just Gets in the Way

Time Practiced: None. I had a flat tire today and had to buy new tires. No energy!

Well, how can anyone expected to be creative when they are dealing with a flat tire? Right?

Ok, so I used it as an excuse today. I could have practiced, but didn't feel up to it. After all, I had to miss my weekly massage as a result of said flat tire and that just threw the whole day off... :D

So instead, I was creative by gardening. I finished up some projects outside transferring plants to different planters, watering the plants, and harvesting some arugula. I also made a fabulous salad for dinner with the arugula and some spinach and strawberries I got from the farmer's market. Fresh strawberries in salad is one of the best things ever. I promise to share a picture of that salad once I get it uploaded.

Perhaps tomorrow I will take a look at my music. Of course, after dropping some serious cash for new tires today I might be too depressed to muster the energy... but I get ahead of myself.

Today's Recommendation: Eat locally and seasonally. Plant a garden and become one with the earth. It's good for the body and the soul.
Vivaldi, Concerto No. 1 in E Major, Op. 8, RV 269, "La Primavera" Mvt 1, Allegro

Food Art

Time Practiced: Negligible, though I did have a voice lesson last Thursday. :)

I've disappeared for a few weeks. Scatterbrained... told ya. Here's what I've been doing for the past two weeks. Cooking and baking. And lots of it.

For me food is not only art, but it's also love. Hence the fact I tend to overindulge.... I just can't get enough of it. It intoxicates all of the senses. And it feeds me to boot! Bonus! I truly believe you can taste the love in food. It makes a difference when the food is made by someone who is passionate about it and what it provides for the people they are serving it to. If I'm cooking for myself, I don't put a lot in to it, but when I cook with the purpose of feeding my loved ones- friends, family- the food is outstanding. I rarely ever have someone come over and not want to know when they can come over again for another meal of mine. I'm also proud to say that I've converted many a non-vegetable lover in to a vegetable lover- well, as long as I'm cooking it. :)

Now, I don't claim to be a wonderful photographer, but this is one of the few food pictures that I've taken that I am truly proud of. Doesn't it look tasty? Well, if you want to read more about my food projects you can read my other blog that follows that in more detail. I have to maintain some sort of focus on here, afterall. No sense muddying the waters talking about the same thing on two blogs twice, right?

Today's Recommendation: Use all five senses whenever possible. And get some sleep! Have you looked at the time?!?!

Holst, The Planets Op. 32 Saturn- The Bringer of Old Age

When I Grow Up

Practice Time: 0 minutes. (Another sick day, so I have an excuse)

Like many pig-tailed little girls, when I was about 6 all I wanted to be when I grew up was a ballerina. I wanted to dance and wear pretty costumes and twirl to pretty music. Didn't we all?

Today I was reminded of that dream when I was doing my weekly volunteer work in the community (don't get too excited, it's only a five week gig that I'm doing for my job where I teach these things called Junior Achievement classes at a local junior high). One of the the students- a fourth grader named Abigail- wants to open her own dance studio. I am teaching the kids about how businesses work and about resources and all sorts of other things that even I don't understand (yet somehow have to teach them) about starting a business and how a local economy works. Anyway, the kids have to decide what kind of business the want to run and do all sorts of assignments based on that business, where its located, and the resources they will need. Well, Abigail wants to run a dance studio. And Abigail has so many cute questions for me. She is too shy to ask them in front of the class, but her excitement about running a dance studio oozes out of her every time she asks me a question.

I wanted to be a ballerina too. But alas, despite the many dance classes I took and homemade dance recitals I put on for my parents- the best was when I made up a dance routine to Madonna's "Like a Prayer" and Debbie Gibson's "Electric Youth"- I have two left feet. In high school musicals I was told to stand in the back and sing loudly. You know, that way the girls who could dance didn't need to do so much singing while they were dancing. :)

But, don't you miss daydreaming about being a ballerina? Aaaaahhhh, those were the good old days...

Today's Recommendation: Daydream again. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Debussy: Suite Bergamasque, Clair de Lune

Sometimes I Just Don't Feel Up to It

Image from DealingWithHeadaches.com

Practice Time: maybe 5-10 minutes?

Today was one of those days where I just literally didn't feel up to practicing or doing anything else creative. My sinuses were flared up and as a result I couldn't see straight and was working on a massive sinus headache. Fun, right? Yeah, so after vocalizing for maybe 5 minutes and running through a new aria once (just to see if I could sing it today) I caved and gave up. Just didn't feel up to it.

It's hard to stay focused when you can't see straight, ya know?

Health is one of the main factors that keeps me from focusing like a normal person should be able to and keeps me from fulling pursuing a career in the arts. Granted, I take full blame for the days when I feel perfectly fine and don't practice, but there are quite a few days when I'm not feeling well and it's just not in the cards all things considered. Between allergies (you name it, I'm allergic, including many foods) and digestive issues (I've got gallstones I am trying to treat naturally) and the subsequent side effects of medicines I take for symptoms of the allergies that then cause my liver/gallbladder to swell up and cause more digestive issues it is a rough go some days. Today was one of those days.

Like any musician, I am at the mercy of my instrument. As a singer, that instrument happens to be your body and if it's not functioning right it's like having a sticking valve or key, or, heck, a broken string. In order to make music again you've got to fix the problem. For a singer, that usually means rest and depending on the problem, probably some meds which come with their own set of fun side effects that may or may not cause more problems. I try to keep my treatment all natural when possible- acupuncture, chiropractic, diet, lots of water, etc- but sometimes even that is not enough or you can't get it when you need it. Today was one of those days, and it took a combination of meds, chiropractic, Starbucks (for the caffeine to get the meds to work, sad but true), sunshine and lots of water to feel better. Only side effect- after all the meds and caffeine my liver/gallbladder got angry at me and I feel sick to my stomach even though my sinsuses feel great now! Ugh, just can't win!

But the small victory was that I at least attempted to practice. And any bit of feigned focus I can get is an achievement I will gladly claim to on a day like this.

Today's Recommendation: Listen to your body. Sometimes it's telling you to sit down simply hear the music.

Tchaikovsky: Concerto No. 1 in B-Flat minor, Op. 23: Allergo non troppo e molto maestoso

Scatterbrain Soprano: An Unartist Unfocused

The first post on a new blog is always the hardest. Must set the stage for things to come. Tell the story. Paint the picture. Tell the who, what, where, when and why. Oh, the horror! So let's get to it, shall we?

I'm a soprano. And I'm just a wee bit scatterbrained. (Understatement of the year there.)

Practically since I came out of the womb I was in to the arts and anything creative. I am an artist. Music, acting, painting, drawing, crafting, writing, holly-hobby projects, cooking, you name it I do it or have done it as one point. And there in lies the problem. I don't know how to focus on any one thing and consequently give up another. In a way, I guess you could call me an ADD artist with bouts of ADHD. I'm constantly going on tangents from one subject to the next and from one art form to the next.

Deciding on a major in college should have been my first clue that things weren't going to take a straight path in the world of being an artist. I double majored. Made it almost three full years in the double major before I got bored with that and decided maybe I should just focus on one thing, too. At least I did make the decision to focus though, right? I started out with a double major in advertising/multimedia and Opera Performance. Came to that decision in high school on a brilliant idea that I could combine everything I loved about the arts- prose/language/etc, theatre, and orchestras- in one major. Notice that singing wasn't necessarily listed there. Well, I wasn't as good at playing the French Horn as I was at singing, and my voice was really big and obnoxious, so opera seemed like a good career path given those other things. You like my logic, right? Luckily, the opera singing grew on me. :)

So I studied voice and advertising for the better part of three years and finally dropped the advertising major after winning several awards and recognition for a multimedia project I did about how to sing. Makes total sense, I know. Well, I decided that if I was passionate enough about singing to spend that many hours obsessing over how to do it and sharing that info with people, then, heck, I didn't need the degree in advertising to get a job in it and I should just focus on the singing.

Eh. It made sense at the time.

Went on to get my Master's in voice and have done some small productions with a local company since then. And here is where the focus got lost again. I graduated, lost the structure that a university program gives and life intervened. I still sing, and still study, and still dream of singing at the Met. Afterall, I am a soprano, the type A personality of it never dies. But now I find myself bouncing from one creative venture to the next, and when I'm bored with it or tire of it I move on to the next thing or back to another. Somewhere in there the singing is still the constant artistic endeavor, but it's a bit scatterbrained to say the least.

Speaking of... perhaps I should go practice for those voice lessons I spend so much money on.